Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Adoption Story, Part 1

Lah-Lah’s Adoption Story Part 1
see the introduction here

Nate and I always thought we would start the adoption process when our son turned one, knowing that the process could take a while.  Then maybe our children would be two years apart.  When his first birthday came, neither one of us felt like the timing was right to start the process and were just concentrating on soaking up every second we could with B.  We were blissful new parents, madly in love with the cutest smartest child on the planet {no bias, of course}.

B’s second birthday came along and we came together and assessed the situation again.  Once again, neither one of us felt the timing was right, though we both definitely wanted more children.  We were fully into the two’s and a tad bit overwhelmed at our vivaciously smart, but very stubborn little guy. WAIT became a common word when we were bombarded by questions from everyone.

Fast forward to the third birthday, which was this past March.  A few weeks after B’s birthday, I would be attending my first Created for Care retreat.  Nate and I were both longing to have another child at this point, but just didn’t feel clear direction.  I told him that I would go to this retreat and really pray that the Lord would show me, very clearly, what His plan for our family was.  Should we look at foster care adoption or stick with a domestic infant program? What agency? etc.  You can see my very long blog post here about the adoptive mom retreat, which was wonderful. During one of the sessions, I really felt like God reminded me again about the relationship we have with Ash and  the heart we have for open adoption.  I felt like God was telling me that not everyone has that same heart and if there are women in the United States that are still feeling the need to place their children for adoption, we can be that couple that opens our hearts to one of them.  

Even though I felt that pull towards domestic infant again, even more so, I felt like God gave me one word. 


I know. That’s it. After all this time. 


I was a little confused too, but still felt at peace with the word WAIT.  

I arrived home and shared with Nate everything about the retreat and he was about on pins and needles wondering what avenue I felt like God was leading us to. He was very confused when I said, I think we are just supposed to WAIT.  That He has this figured out and will show us.  He was like, so do we start the home study process; do anything? 

I said, no, we are just supposed to wait.  

If you know me in person at all, you know I’m not the most patient person and just waiting is not something that comes natural to me.  Nate is the “wait and see” guy and he was still shaking his head at me.  I’m the quick decision maker and the “let’s do this” kinda gal.  Nate probably thought my waiting theory would last a few weeks before I would be busting at the seams to start something.

By July, Nate was starting to become a little impatient.  He wondered if my waiting was over and if we should start the process. I was not really interested, but agreed to make some calls and inquiries about agencies and programs in our state.  

We decided that we weren’t going to work with our previous agency, because of a few different reasons and were at square one in a very small state with very few options. I called every friend that I knew that had adopted in our state, asked questions on private facebook groups, etc.  I had an overwhelming response about one agency; that ethically they were above the board awesome and just great to work with. Though everyone I spoke with had used them for international adoptions.  I called several other agencies before I called the popular one.  I even inquired into foster care adoptions and every agency pretty much slammed the door in my face.  I made one last call to the popular agency and their response was, “We are licensed in the domestic infant program, but we do not do enough of them to take on prospective adoptive parents; we don’t advertize/market to expectant moms, therefore we are rarely contacted by them.”  They’d be happy to do our home study and work with an agency in another state of our choosing.  Back to my favorite word, WAIT.  I told them my name, but I didn’t leave any other contact information.  They were one of three domestic infant licensed agencies in our state, and we definitely weren’t going to work with the other two.  

I sent out emails to quite a few friends in other states, looking for ethical reputable agencies.  After a few weeks, I had a whole inbox full of recommendations. I was too overwhelmed to even start looking at them.  

On the Sunday of the last week of August, I set a goal for myself to start reading the emails and making calls to talk to some agencies that week.  

On Monday, August 20th, I was avoiding all those emails, when a facebook message popped up from someone I didn’t know.  It was from a girl that worked at the agency we wanted to use, asking me to call them that day.  I immediately picked up the phone and called them.  I talked to the Associate Director, who shared with me that they had two expectant moms that were insistent on using them. Both of the women were due in October and were hoping to choose adoptive parents in the next couple of weeks.  They asked if we were interested in having our profile shown and could we do our home study paperwork ummm IMMEDIATELY, in case one of the women chose us. They shared small paragraphs of information about each of the situations.  I was immediately drawn to the mom with a due date of October 25th, instead of the other one. The situations were very similar, but I just had a feeling that this was going to be it.  After all this waiting, a situation fell in our lap. It seems a bit unfair, except that we had wanted to add to our family for years and were just waiting in a different way than someone that was already an approved waiting parent.

We had family visiting the next two weekends and somehow managed to do our fingerprinting and worked through the mountains of paperwork. Our first home study visit was two weeks later in September.  At the visit with the social worker, we found out that the other girl definitely had not chosen us, due to wanting a closed adoption and us living in the same area.  She didn’t want to be bumping into us.  I was physically relieved when she told us that, just because I didn’t think that was the situation for us.  

She told us the other mom had not viewed profiles yet and that she was planning to view them in the next few weeks.  This mom was not in that big of a hurry, since it was not her first pregnancy and she usually had to be induced.  So, we once again were waiting, but this time on pins and needles for the next month, afraid to tell anyone about the possibility, since it very well could not be a possibility.  


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