Re-posting for National Infertility Week!
We had a wonderful relaxing Thankful Thanksgiving! I actually didn't even black friday shop. I slept in until 8:30 that day(B did too!)! I crocheted, and watched funny crime dramas with the hubby and in-laws, and had a marvelous date with my amazing husband.
BUT....I did not forget about what holidays used to be like before the little miracle that is B, came into our lives. I don't quite know how to put it into words, but I simply want to say, for those of you that are still waiting for a baby, maybe struggling with infertility, or waiting for your adoption miracle, that I know it is hard and painful and oh so lonely. You don't want to be the subject of everyone's pity, but you don't want to have insensitive remarks made either. It's such a tight rope to walk.
For those of you that have not struggled in this area, here is an article that may help you in your relationships with someone that is struggling in this area. http://www.blogher.com/10-things-not-say-your-infertile-friend
Here is another good list. http://forums.families.com/7-ways-to-help-a-friend-cope-with-infertility,t111320
Go here to read the Top 10 Things Not to Say to an Adoptive Parent
Here are some of my personal Do's and Don'ts:
- If you've ever said any of the above to me, please don't feel bad and feel like you need to come apologize to me. I know I said some of the same things to other adoptive parents before I was one. There is a level of understanding that not everyone understands where we are or what we have gone through.
- I thought of another "Don't"; Don't say "You know you’ll get pregnant within a year now." or "I know of this girl who got pregnant right after she adopted"...We did not adopt with any motive like this and don't like people to think we have this expectation.
- If you are interested in adoption and have questions of any kind, please don't think a post like this makes me unapproachable. I am an open book with anyone that I can help in any way. Try to be sensitive to our child's ears though. I am his mommy and Nate is his daddy.
- Also, do not introduce the parents as the "adoptive parents" of the child, especially in front of the children.
- When it comes to asking about B's birth-mom, I'm very sensitive and protective of her; please don't act like she's an inferior member of society. She did not "give up" B in any way for herself, she made an adoption plan for him and placed him for adoption with parents she chose. It was the most selfless thing she will ever do. She often says, "Adoption was the absolute worst decision for me, but the absolute best decision for B.". She is and will always be our HERO!
- and back to the infertility list...Don't assume that everyone around you is the most fertile person in the world. Refrain from asking newly married couples or couples without children (unless you are a very close friend), when they are going to "pop out a baby". Most couples want to surprise their families and will make their plan to have or to not have children in their own time, even if infertility is not an issue. Many couples do not want to share about their infertility struggles. We, personally, did not share our struggles for quite a while because we did not want to become the "infertile couple" in everyone's eyes.